Do you really want a relationship, but it just doesn’t seem to be possible for you?
Maybe you’ve been single for a while and want to finally change that? Or maybe you’ve never had a real relationship and don’t know what’s wrong?
“ Why am I still single? ” – that is a tormenting question that occupies many lonely men and keeps them awake at night.
But don’t despair! In this article, I’ll reveal the real reasons why love hasn’t worked out so far and give you helpful tips that will finally put an end to your single life.
Why am I single? The desire for togetherness
Loneliness can be truly painful for singles in the long run, especially if you don’t choose it yourself, but actually long for a relationship.
I know from my own experience what it’s like when you want a relationship and would like to have a girlfriend, but it just doesn’t work out.
Of course, all sorts of thoughts are bothering you:
- “ What’s wrong with me that no woman is interested in me ?”
- “ Why does love work for others but not for me? ”
- “ Will I be alone forever and never find a woman? ”
- “ Why do all the girls just see me as the buddy type and not as a potential partner? ”
Maybe you have already asked yourself these or similar questions?
Confusion sets in. You don’t know why you’re single (or perhaps even permanently single ).
And your way too big king-size bed feels emptier night after night.
My experience with being single for a long time
I felt the same way for a while. I wanted nothing more than to find a partner. A soul mate, if such a thing exists .
Someone with whom I could share my life and do wonderful things.
In short: love!
But it just seemed like I wasn’t meant to be happy.
What was especially painful was seeing those lovingly smooching couples in the park on Sundays. I felt like poisoning the strawberries in their picnic baskets out of sheer envy 🙂
It was just as devastating to see that other friends had already had their first girlfriends.
The annoying questions from family and friends about why I was still single did the rest.
Please don’t give up hope, men!
Caution is advised: Many singles in this situation believe they aren’t “good enough” for the opposite sex – or begin to demonize women in general. This often leads men to give up on their search for a partner altogether .
But resignation is definitely not the way to happiness if you want to find a girlfriend .
Even general anger at women because they are not interested in you will not bring you any closer to your goal of a relationship.
At this point I would like to give you the good news: You don’t have to stay single forever !
Because there are actually very concrete steps you can take to end your single life. And I’ll share them with you in this article!
Forget the “Why am I single” test!
Maybe you’ve already typed the question “Why?” into Google? After all, you want to know what to do.
The search results will display a variety of tests and quizzes that are supposed to help you solve the problem.
Let’s face it – these kinds of pseudo-psychology tests are a complete scam and won’t make you happy!
As teenagers, we filled out such tests in magazines and back then they had just as much “psychological” value as they do today, namely ZERO.
An online test for singles, with ten, or even 20 or 30 quiz questions, will not give you an answer as to why you are single.
It certainly won’t help you find a partner. These test results are far too general, anonymous, and not very meaningful.
So don’t waste your time on this, but rather invest it wisely and actively work on the qualities I’ll talk about shortly.
Hard but heartfelt: the painful truth
Before I start with the 10-step plan in this article, I want to “warn” you: Be prepared for me to be brutally honest with you (just like I was with online tests)!
Why do I mention this point?
Because in my experience, many people ask why they’re single, but they don’t really want to hear the truth. It’s often more along the lines of “Why is it always me?”
…destructive whining for attention instead of a serious search for a solution.
But wallowing in self-pity and asking ourselves rhetorical questions doesn’t get us any further.
What we need to truly move forward is the truth, even if it sometimes hurts a little.
10 reasons why you’re single (+tips)
Here are ten things you might be lacking. Ten reasons why you might still be single and haven’t found a partner yet.
I also have helpful tips on how you can become active and free yourself from your situation of loneliness as a single person .
Let’s get started:
1. The external appearance
To clarify one question right from the start:
You don’t have to have a seductive look à la George Clooney or carry around muscles like “The Rock” to be successful with the ladies.
It’s about really getting the best out of you!
You should not “dress up” or try desperately to change yourself and portray yourself as something you are not.
But remember: there is usually no second chance to make a first impression.
With clothes that look like you grabbed them from a bargain bin in 2003 and a hairstyle that could give Guildo Horn a run for his money, you’re unlikely to impress most women.
Try the following test:
Take an honest look in the mirror and ask yourself if your style could be a reason why you’re single. Whether you would find this guy attractive if you met him on the street as a woman.
You shouldn’t judge yourself—quite the opposite! Just look for areas where there’s room for improvement.
You can’t get anywhere on your own because you’re not exactly a “fashion guru” and your styling knowledge is limited?
Then ask friends (preferably female ones) for advice or get advice from saleswomen, hairdressers and a barber you trust!
2. Acute lack of self-confidence
This could definitely be one reason why you’re still single. Women are attracted to confident men with a positive self-image.
But what does it actually mean to be self-confident and have self-confidence? And how can you increase it if you lack it?
At its core, it’s about trusting yourself.
The awareness that you are good and sufficient just the way you are. No matter how messed up and eccentric you may be from time to time 😉
If you have low self-confidence to begin with, are single for a long time and feel rejected by the opposite sex, this can of course lead to a negative spiral.
A dangerous vicious circle that increasingly erodes self-esteem.
Positive experiences, on the other hand, strengthen self-confidence:
You have to experience that the girls are not that dismissive, but in most cases react positively when you approach them.
This will help you escape the vicious cycle of self-doubt.
And you’ll see: You already have everything you need within you to live a fulfilling and happy life. It may sound like a cliché, but it’s true.
3. You don’t mingle with the people enough!
Do you sit alone on the couch or in front of your computer every evening and wonder why you are still single?
Why are you having no luck with the ladies and your dream woman hasn’t fallen into your lap yet?
Do you only meet the same three friends every weekend to drink beer with them at the bar?
Well… you see that yourself, right?
Leave your comfort zone! In this case, specifically: your apartment! Don’t be a couch potato; get out and meet new people.
Of course, you don’t have to wander through the city all alone – grab a friend and join the fray.
Clubs, bars, museums, exhibitions, parks… The list of possibilities is long. So hop, hop, get out there!
4. You are too shy as a man
This point goes hand in hand with the previous one. Many men fall into a kind of shock as soon as they encounter a beautiful woman in everyday life or at a party – like a deer on a country road!
They simply don’t know what to do. And in retrospect, if they let the opportunity pass them by, these singles could be kicking themselves.
Then remorseful thoughts arise, such as:
- “ Why didn’t I just talk to her? ”
- “ What am I so afraid of? ”
- “ She looked so sweet and I’ll probably never see her again! ”
Let’s be honest, between us prayer brothers:
How many women have you approached in the last month looking for a relationship? Couldn’t that be one of the reasons you’re still single?
Nothing comes from nothing! This also applies to love!
If you don’t overcome your shyness and become active, you won’t meet any girls. It’s that simple.
Since this issue is very complex and can’t be explained in two sentences, I have a separate article for you on this topic. Here, you’ll learn in detail how to approach women and then successfully ask for their cell phone number .
5. Negative beliefs about yourself
What’s your attitude toward partner search in everyday life? Do you also think things like:
- “ I don’t stand a chance with that woman anyway! ”
- “ She’s way too pretty for me! ”
- “ She would just laugh at me! ”
Surprise: If you assume that something won’t work out, experience shows that you’re right – a psychological reason why you’re single.
According to the “law of attraction,” we attract into our lives what we think and believe.
Forbid that nasty little devil who whispers such things in your ear and thereby ruins your tour from speaking!
Because with such beliefs you are only standing in your own way!
Instead, try positive thoughts, such as:
- “ I am a lovely and wonderful man! ”
- ” What could possibly go wrong? I can only learn from my experiences. “
- ” Nothing ventured, nothing gained! I’ll try my luck! “
Repeat these phrases to yourself over and over until you believe them. This will program your brain for success!
6. False expectations or prey pattern
We all have certain attributes that we value when choosing a potential partner. This is entirely legitimate.
Please test yourself briefly:
What are the things you look for in girls? What should your beloved be like? Which woman is right for you ?
If your answer is “slim, athletic, active and adventurous,” but you’re on the verge of becoming fused to your couch, then you might want to rethink your prey pattern.
Even the distinguished banker is unlikely to get involved with the quirky rocker chick.
“Pretty Woman” is just a movie! Couples like that are a rarity outside of Hollywood.
The general rule for singles is: birds of a feather flock together.
The more similar two people are, the better they will harmonize in the long run. So, it’s best to look for a partner who shares your hobbies and interests. She should be a good match for you in terms of her type of woman .
But if you really want the “fitness mouse,” then get your butt off the couch, put the chips aside, and get your Adonis body to exercise regularly.
Because with your raccoon belly, you’re unlikely to impress “Aerobic Antje” and you’ll continue to wonder why you’re not taken yet.
7. Lack of masculinity and charisma
The reason you are still single could also be due to your (lack of) masculine appearance.
This may shock some people, but to appear masculine and radiate masculinity, it is not enough to have a hairy back and a penis between your legs.
You don’t have to go out and chop down trees shirtless or fight grizzly bears with your bare hands – there are more subtle and less life-threatening ways.
What was considered masculine thousands of years ago is still valid today: Find out in this article what women like in men !
The ladies absolutely rightly want equality, but that doesn’t mean that men and women are equal. And that’s a good thing.
8. Make your life more interesting!
No woman likes boredom! So why should she commit to a guy whose life is as exciting as the TV shopping channel at 2:30 a.m.?
If you find a hobby and go out more often to experience things, you can kill three birds with one stone:
- You gain new experiences, make your life better, are happier and have more fun.
- You’ll appear more attractive on a date because you have exciting experiences to talk about and won’t come across as a bore (especially when you take out your phone and show her the pictures from your last adventure trip).
- You’ll meet a lot of girls on the trips themselves, provided you talk to them, of course!
So hop on your bike or fly and off you go!
9. Always end up in the friend zone
Do girls always see you as just a good friend and not as a potential partner?
Of course, constantly landing in the dreaded friend zone can be a logical reason why you’re still single.
Women love it when men are good listeners and offer them a strong shoulder to lean on. BUT, be careful: You should NOT become some kind of “best friend” to them.
Listen to her, give her advice, be there for her and make her feel safe.
However, you’re not the right person to turn to when it comes to problems with other guys. You don’t want to be their best friend and shrink, but rather their partner.
So it is important that you have some courage to avoid the friend zone .
Send her signals that let her know you’re interested. Don’t be afraid to touch her briefly, and increase the physical contact over time if she responds positively.
Also, compliment her and , of course, flirt with her!
10. You haven’t broken up with your ex yet
” Huh? She wouldn’t be my ex-girlfriend if we hadn’t already broken up? ” you might be thinking. In theory, that’s correct, BUT we’re talking about a final breakup, especially in my head.
If you’re busy mourning an ex, that may be a major reason why you’re single.
Of course, if you’re always thinking about her and comparing every new woman to her, it will be difficult to build a new relationship after a breakup .
Because listen up: Women have very sensitive antennae! They notice exactly whether a man is truly open and ready for a new relationship.
If you were meant to be together, if you were THE couple of the century, you wouldn’t have broken up.
It’s that simple.
And my grandma always said, “Don’t reheat cold soup.” You know what I mean?
So what do you do when you’re heartbroken?
You need to overcome oneitis , your emotional dependence on your ex-partner. Let go of the past, make a break, get rid of mementos, and delete chat histories if you’re still unhappily in love.
Maybe even cut off contact completely if you realize that continuing to be friends with her is detrimental to your present and future.
Take it easy – don’t tense up!
One last piece of advice before I let you leave this article: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself when looking for a partner!
Singles who are desperately looking for a relationship often appear needy and tense – both very unattractive characteristics.
It just doesn’t go well if you rub every girl (in real life or when dating online) in her face how unhappy you are alone and how much you would like to have a partner.
Constantly contacting her and bombarding her with WhatsApp messages is also a no-go!
But that does NOT mean you should sit back and wait for love to find you.
Just keep in mind the 10 reasons why you might be single and implement the 10-step plan (or the points that apply to your problems).
Work on yourself and your habits!
You’ll gradually feel better and notice how your life is changing for the better. This alone will ensure that you appear completely different to the ladies.
If you now become active, throw your fear of approaching people and shyness overboard and approach attractive women, then it won’t be long before you can say goodbye to your single life!
