You survived your first date unscathed, despite all the nerves. Congratulations on your success! Ideally, you had a great conversation and laughed a lot together. It’s now clear to you: There’s a reason for a second date with this amazing woman, because things between you have potential for more.
Or at least you’re not completely averse to it and can basically imagine seeing her again to get a closer look at her.
The purpose of your next date should also be clear. The following rule applies to the dating process:
- The first date in the search for a partner is there to get to know each other and to check whether the chemistry is right.
- The second date is about deepening the connection, discovering more commonalities, and getting closer emotionally—maybe even with kissing and sex.
Nevertheless, there are still many questions that I will answer in this blog article
Behavior between the 1st and 2nd date
You’ve arrived home after your first date – and the question is already on your mind: what’s next?
Who contacts whom, and when? How should you arrange a second date with the woman, and will it even happen? It could be that you or she is doubting whether you’re a good fit…
Should there be a second date – yes or no?
Your first meeting probably wasn’t a total disaster. More like a success. But maybe you’re still wondering if it’s even enough for a reunion (from your side or hers). Is she interested enough in you, or will she give you a harsh rejection on WhatsApp?
Often, gut feeling alone reveals whether the chemistry was right when you first met and whether love could develop from it.
Are you still unsure?
Then think back to your time together and consider whether there were enough signs of sympathy on the first date , or whether there were a few critical red flags .
Positive signals for a second date would be, for example:
- You had a lot to talk about, with almost no awkward silences.
- You were able to discover some important similarities.
- You laughed a lot together. There was a crackling, flirtatious atmosphere.
- The time flew by and you would have loved to have stayed together longer that afternoon/evening.
- The woman had positive body language (lots of smiling, eye contact, touching, etc.), even when saying goodbye.
- She showed great interest verbally, for example through personal questions, compliments and teasing and humorous remarks.
- In the end, she (indirectly) suggested that you should see each other again soon.
- After the date, she contacts you on WhatsApp, answers you quickly and is talkative in the chat instead of writing less and less .
According to statistics, a good sense of humor and interest in the man’s life and views are the most important reasons for female singles to go on a second date.
You just liked each other when you first met, but nothing more? From experience, I advise you not to throw in the towel right away. You might regret it later! Often, it takes a second meeting to break the proverbial ice and start the sparks flying.
Who will contact you first after the date?
In clever online guides, you’ll often find the plea that women can also take the initiative and ask a man for a second date. This is certainly well-intentioned and correct…
Despite all the female emancipation, the reality is quite different:
Even today, most women expect the man to take the active part and contact the woman first.
How to deal with this? Let’s put it this way:
If she texts you first and suggests a second date—great! But don’t count on it. Instead of waiting forever, grab your phone in time and simply text her again on WhatsApp.
My tip: Ask the lady the same day if she got home safely and thank her for the nice get-together.
This shows that you are a caring and polite gentleman.
The famous three-day rule , which tells you to disappear first, no longer applies. Artificially making yourself scarce comes across to female singles as either a sign of disinterest or like playing childish games. Neither of these is good when looking for a partner!
When should you ask for a second date?
Maybe you’re already in love after the first meeting and can’t wait to see the girl again.
But please don’t make the mistake of suggesting a second date that same evening! Even the next day, such a question is still a bit early.
There are several reasons why you should wait a little longer:
- The sooner you ask for another date, the more interest you show. However, this could also make you seem very needy.
- The woman needs time to let your encounter sink in and decide whether she wants to see you again. So don’t put unnecessary pressure on her by annoying her with an intrusive request.
But of course you can’t wait forever, because in the meantime her positive feelings for you could disappear or another man could win her race.
In conclusion, my tip: Ask her two to three days after your first date about a reunion – that’s an ideal time frame!
How much time should there be between the first and second date?
Also, make sure it doesn’t take forever until you see each other again!
First, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to bridge the time until the second date while flirting via WhatsApp . Sooner or later, you’ll probably run out of topics to write about . Furthermore, the initial butterflies in your stomach you felt on the first meeting might gradually fade.
On the other hand, suggesting the next date too early also comes across as pushy and needy.
In my experience, six to seven days between dates is a good balance. For example, if you met on a Friday or Saturday, you can arrange to meet again the following weekend.
If your schedule doesn’t allow otherwise, it may be a few days more or less.
Asking for a second date – but how?
Please refrain from using meaningless phrases to set up the next meeting. By this, I mean general phrases like:
“Hey, I really enjoyed it last time and I hope to see you again soon!”
Hmm. Okay. Now what? What’s she supposed to do with a statement like that? Women expect you to confidently take the lead and come up with a concrete proposal for your date.
Follow these 2 golden rules to arrange a second date:
- For your activities, build on shared hobbies and interests that you discovered when you first met.
- Always suggest a time and place, i.e. where and when exactly your second meeting should take place.
For example, if you both love animals, you can write her a message like this on WhatsApp:
“Hi, Nadja! Remember our funny conversation about the flamingos at the zoo? How about we pay our pink-feathered friends a visit this Saturday afternoon? ;-)”
In another advice article, I’ll give you more tips on how to ask for a date so you don’t embarrass yourself.
Second Date: Ideas for Places and Activities
What fun things can you two lovebirds do? If you’re still looking for ideas for your second date, let me explain another psychological rule:
Your second meeting should never be a mere repetition of the first! Please, no repeat!
Otherwise the woman will later say to her best friend:
“Hmm, we sat in the café for another two hours, but somehow we didn’t get any closer. I think the spark just isn’t there with this man!”
I myself used to make the mistake of only going for walks with the girls on dates. Groundhog Day (or rather, weekly)…
So remember: Firstly, doing the same thing over and over again is boring. It doesn’t lead to progress. And secondly, new places and situations always offer the chance to experience your partner from a different perspective. This way, you’ll get to know each other much faster and better.
So make sure you keep things varied so you can find out if you’re the perfect couple for a relationship!
Why do big things happen on the second date?
Also, your second date should last significantly longer than number one.
The first meeting is usually short and non-committal, perhaps with a coffee shop visit or a walk in the park. This way, you can quickly pull the ripcord and leave at any time if you realize after a few minutes that the chemistry isn’t right.
However, on your second meeting, you can plan one (or more) major activities – because you now know that there is basically mutual sympathy.
A longer, multi-part date is helpful so that you have enough time…
- …to get to know each other intensively through conversations.
- …to get closer to you emotionally and physically.
So, don’t be afraid to plan a multi-hour trip to the amusement park, zoo, or art exhibition for your date!
Can your second date take place at home?
There’s no universal rule for finding a partner. I would base it on how your first meeting went: Was the vibe good, and was there a bit of chemistry between you? Were you able to develop enough trust in each other?
In that case, there’s nothing wrong with suggesting a second date at your home . Send her an invitation on WhatsApp, something like:
“Hey, we were talking about Thai curry at the café the other day… Shall we conjure up a menu in my kitchen the day after tomorrow that would make any chef green with envy?”
A date in your apartment has major advantages: The woman sees your living space. This gives her a deeper insight into your personality and your daily life. This increases her trust enormously!
The sofa at home also offers a very intimate and relaxed atmosphere. Here, you have the chance to get closer while cuddling in dim light, perhaps even leading to a kiss and sex.
Ideas for what to do on your second date at home:
- Cook a meal together and then watch a movie (the classic)
- Baking cakes or cookies together at Christmas time
- Have a fun game night with your favorite board games
- Play Nintendo or Playstation against each other on TV (Mario Kart and Co. are fun)
- show your private photo collection on your mobile phone or TV
My tip as a dating expert if you want to slow down the pace of flirting:
Simply meet near your house and do something on neutral ground first. Afterwards, you can always suggest a spontaneous trip to your home—for example, to warm up with a cup of tea after a cold walk in the fall/winter…
Another date idea: Pursue common hobbies!
If it’s too early for the woman to visit you at your apartment on the second date, that’s fine, of course.
There are many interesting activities you can do outside of your own four walls. It’s best to consider what common hobbies and interests you’ve discovered in your conversations so far.
Then you suggest an activity that you both enjoy, such as:
- rock out at a concert
- go to the swimming pool
- Visit a museum, exhibition or trade fair
- Eating out at a restaurant with a specific national cuisine (Indian, Mexican, Japanese, etc.)
- romantic picnic (e.g. in a park or by a lake)
- Boat or ship trip
- Billiards / Bowling
- wine tasting
- a special arthouse cinema or open-air cinema
- Indoor climbing
- Hot air balloon ride
- Ice skating / inline skating
- Sightseeing in a foreign city
- and so forth
Here in this blog article I have put together a lot of exciting date ideas for the second meeting.
As already mentioned, it is important to bring in enough variety:
If, for example, something quiet like a coffee shop or a walk was on the agenda when you first met, now’s the time for activities with games, fun, and action. Or with art and culture. Depending on the type of woman, crazy and unusual date ideas are also well received.
Second Date: 6 Tips for Getting Closer
It may sound harsh, but it’s reality: As you get to know each other more closely on the second date, the path to love or friendship is already set. This is where it’s gradually decided whether the woman sees you as just a friend or as a potential partner for a relationship.
Therefore, you must now behave correctly at your next meeting in order to get closer to the lady while flirting and thus avoid the friend zone .
You can achieve this by following my 6 tips:
1. Bring a gift for the second date?
Many men believe they can win a woman’s heart by being as generous as possible and showering the woman they love with gifts.
However, material things will not get you to your goal when dating.
At most, the lady will get the impression that you are a submissive slimeball and that you want to “buy” her love…
In the worst case, she thinks you want sex in return, which creates a lot of pressure.
Instead of gifts, try to impress your partner on the second date with your personality. You are the gift! With this approach, you won’t need to impress your partner with any gifts.
If you can’t stop giving gifts, here’s my tip for a gift on a date :
Skip the typical gifts like flowers , teddy bears, or chocolates. These are not only cheesy, but also very impersonal. Instead, I recommend a very inexpensive little gift that has only symbolic value. Something unique that connects you both on an emotional level.
Suppose the woman told you at the first meeting that she likes to read the books of a particular author.
Then, for your second date, bring her an old paperback by that author that you still have on your shelf at home. With a gift like that, you show that you’ve listened attentively to her. It’s a “token of appreciation” in the truest sense of the word!
2. What topics of conversation should you discuss on the second date?
When you first met, the conversations probably took place at a somewhat superficial level, like small talk. They covered everyday things like hobbies, jobs, favorite foods, movie and music tastes, or pets.
Was that the case for you? Then it’s time for some deep talk on your upcoming date!
The goal: As you get to know each other, you should discover whether you have enough in common in terms of lifestyles, values, and future plans. Ideally, this will lead to a strong emotional connection between you.
You can also simply delve deeper into topics that you already discussed at the first meeting.
When preparing for the second date, you should also think of some clever questions that interest you, such as:
- Which countries would you still like to travel to and why?
- What are some positive memories from your childhood? What films and series did you enjoy watching as a child?
- What professional and personal goals do you want to achieve in the future?
- What is your biggest dream in life? And what past success are you proud of?
- Have you ever lived in another city or country? Are you planning a major move?
- What would the world look like if you had created it?
- What film has most recently touched you emotionally or made you think? And why?
- What’s your relationship like with your family? Is it relaxed, or is there some stress?
- What’s your idea of a relationship? Do you want to get married and have children together someday?
- What are your weaknesses and habits that your partner needs to deal with?
In these advice articles, you’ll find some conversation topics for your date , as well as personal questions to get to know each other that will spark an interesting conversation. Starting with the more general topics, you can then delve deeper into the topic until you reach the point of true deep talk .
3. Ask questions, but also tell a lot about yourself!
Despite all your healthy curiosity, you should never start asking the other person questions like they’re Swiss cheese. After all, you don’t want your second date to turn into a police interrogation, right?
So don’t forget to tell us something about yourself and your life with every question.
This way, the woman gets to know you better and can assess whether or not you’re really the right man for a relationship. It also gives her the trust she needs to possibly accompany you home later 😉
But don’t be too open-minded when looking for a partner!
If you tell her your entire life story on the second date, you’ll quickly become uninteresting. On the other hand, mysterious men who, despite their openness, still keep a few little secrets are fascinating. She can then coax these secrets out of you over the course of subsequent dates.
And: Despite the depth of the conversation, don’t remain deadly serious the whole time!
Sprinkle in a pinch of wit and humor every now and then to make the woman laugh . Tease her and flirt with her . This way, you’ll avoid coming across as an uptight philosopher or shrink.
4. How to establish physical contact on the second date?
No false shyness, please! One reason why many men end up in the friend zone when dating:
They don’t dare to make a physical approach to a woman for fear of being pushy and being rejected. Yet women do expect the man to send clear signals and clearly signal his sexual interest when they meet.
This means that there should definitely be an improvement in physical contact compared to the first date.
Never make the typical mistake of just putting your hands in your lap and anxiously keeping your distance from the lady as if she has the flu (unless she really does…).
You start with a warm hug to welcome them .
Continue to intensify the touching on the second date as long as your dating partner sends you positive flirting signals .
How does that work?
During a walk, for example, you can put your arm around her or even take her hand if the mood between you is particularly good.
Another possibility:
While you’re standing or sitting, you look at the ring on her finger or her strikingly painted fingernails. Then, curiously, you take her hand, saying you want to take a closer look at the ring or nails.
5. Is kissing and sex on the second date “normal”?
Many men believe that by date number two at the latest they have to end up in bed with the woman they love or at least get a kiss.
And if that doesn’t happen? Have you completely messed up your search for a partner and disappointed the woman? Not success, but friend zoned? No! It also depends heavily on what she expects from your intimate togetherness.
There are NO fixed rules, because as we all know, every person is different:
For some girls, it’s perfectly fine to kiss or have sex on the second date, as long as the mood is right. Or they might even expect it and then be disappointed if nothing happens. Others, however, want to take more time with this step. This is especially true for shy women .
When flirting, don’t act as rushed as a lion on the prowl and don’t set your expectations too high.
Instead of applying unnecessary pressure, you should be attentive, observe the woman’s body language , and adapt to her pace. This way, you can avoid the two common mistakes of overwhelming her or being too reserved.
6. The perfect kissing moment on the second date
How do you manage to kiss your chosen one?
If you want to kiss the lady on your second date, you must create a romantic and relaxed atmosphere where you are both undisturbed.
A cozy evening on the couch by candlelight or a picnic in a quiet park are ideal for this.
Please don’t overwhelm the woman with a sudden, out-of-the-blue kiss attempt! If you want to minimize the risk of rejection, you need to build up the kiss very slowly:
First, you should approach her carefully – with gentle touches, cuddling and intense eye contact.
If she reciprocates these advances and is happy to accept them, that is already a very good sign.
Things get really “serious” when there are certain signs that she wants to be kissed by you:
- A pleasant silence develops between you.
- She smiles at you dreamily, half closes her eyes and brings her face closer to you.
- She nervously licks her lips or gently bites them.
These can be inviting signals that she wants to kiss you in the next step.
However, there’s no such thing as absolute certainty when it comes to interpreting body language. Just be a little brave, respectful, and listen to your gut feeling – then it won’t be so difficult to catch the perfect moment for a kiss!
Who contacts you after the second date – and how?
In principle, the same rules apply as before between your 1st and 2nd meeting (see above):
- Despite all the emancipation, most women today still expect you, as a man, to take charge and get in touch after the second date. Radio silence on your part is quickly interpreted as disinterest. So don’t delay taking the next step too long!
- Even if things were going really well, you shouldn’t pressure the woman or immediately confess your love. Instead, stay cool and hold back a bit when texting.
- Immediately after your second date, send her a WhatsApp message simply to say it was a lovely meeting. Feel free to include insider references to the evening’s highlights to rekindle your date’s positive mood.
- Then wait a day or two so that each of you can calmly reflect on the time you spent together and make a decision.
- Afterwards you should suggest an exciting third date to the lady if you want to continue dating her.
You’ll see how she reacts to your question…
If there’s no communication after the second date, it probably means the person is no longer interested. This is obviously painful if you’ve already developed feelings or are even in love. However, such a rejection wouldn’t be a big deal, because there are still plenty of other great singles you can meet while looking for a partner.
But if your second encounter went well, even from her perspective, then chances are she’ll want to see you a third time!
