There’s this one woman you can’t get out of your head. You think about her constantly, you feel completely attracted to her, but something keeps you from expressing your feelings openly. Maybe you’re just not sure if she feels the same way.
Maybe you’re afraid to tell her, or maybe you’re even in a relationship. One thing is clear: you’re secretly in love, and now you’re wondering what to do.
Don’t worry, in this article, I’ll not only support you, but also show you how to make the most of this situation. We’ll discuss the signs women show when they’re also secretly in love, and I’ll give you a step-by-step guide to maximize your success with your secret crush
Secretly in love – What to do? Your step-by-step plan
So you’re secretly in love, but now the big question is: What should you do? Feelings are a complicated thing, especially when they go unanswered or you don’t know how the other person feels.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you make the most of your situation and increase your chances of a possible happy ending. Because at the end of the day, you want to know where you stand, right? So follow these tips:
1. Find out what you really want
Before you do anything, you should ask yourself an important question: What do you really want? Are you ready to find out if she has romantic feelings for you too? Or would you prefer to leave things as they are for fear of your relationship changing?
It’s important to be honest with yourself. Sometimes a secret crush can just be a phase, and your feelings might fade over time. However, if you notice that your feelings are strong and persistent, you should consider taking action.
2. Observe the signals she sends
Before you go into “attack mode,” try to observe her signals closely. If you get the impression that she’s also feeling more, you can plan your next steps accordingly. These signs will help you:
4 body language signs that she is secretly in love with you
Women are masters at sending subtle signals—they usually do it unconsciously. If you learn to interpret these body language signs, you can tell early on if there’s something more in the air.
She maintains a lot of eye contact.
If she looks into your eyes more often than usual and for longer than usual, that’s one of the signs. Especially if she quickly looks away afterward and seems a bit shy, it could mean that she’s secretly in love with you.
Women tend to maintain intense eye contact when they are interested – even if they might not admit it openly.
She has an open posture.
Women who are attracted to you often display an open posture. This means she faces you, doesn’t cross her arms, and leans more toward you.
She feels comfortable with you and is ready to get closer to you – both physically and emotionally.
She touches you.
Notice whether she touches you frequently, for example, in a playful or subtle way. Maybe she “accidentally” brushes your arm when she’s speaking or briefly puts her hand on your shoulder when she laughs.
Touching is a strong signal of affection and an indication that she feels more for you.
She smiles/laughs a lot.
If she laughs at your jokes even when they’re not that funny (yes, that can happen to anyone), you can take that as a good sign. Women tend to laugh and smile more around someone they like, even at harmless remarks.
Sometimes the signs are subtle – maybe she touches you lightly, constantly looks for a reason to talk to you, or laughs a lot in your presence.
These small but significant signs can help you get a better idea of whether she might also have secret feelings for you.
3. Talk to her
The next step, and probably the hardest, is to start the conversation. But be careful—don’t immediately come out with a declaration of love! That could overwhelm her, especially if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings in kind. It’s better to take things slowly and gradually make her aware of your growing feelings.
For example, you could start with compliments or show her that you value her in a special way. Let her know that you’re interested in her more than just as a friend.
Another tactic is to steer your time toward a “date” without calling it that right away. Invite her out for coffee or a relaxed dinner, just the two of you. This creates a more intimate atmosphere, where she might also realize there could be more between you.
4. Be prepared to speak plainly
There comes a point where you can no longer beat around the bush. If you notice that your feelings aren’t going away and you’re certain you need a clear answer, then it’s time for a frank conversation. Honesty is key here.
Tell her that you’ve fallen in love with her and you’re unsure how she feels about it. It’s important that you don’t pressure her. Give her the time and space to sort out her own feelings.
5. Be prepared for any answer
There are three possibilities: She reciprocates your feelings, she’s not sure what she feels, or she just sees you as a friend. Whatever the answer, be prepared.
If she returns your feelings
Congratulations! In this case, you can take your relationship to a whole new level and figure out your future together. A relationship built on a deep friendship can be incredibly strong and stable.
If she is unsure
While this isn’t the clear answer you were hoping for, there’s hope. Give her time and don’t put pressure on yourself. Her feelings may still develop, but be aware that there are no guarantees.
If she only sees you as a friend
Of course, this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s important that you respect her decision. Friendships are valuable, and it’s possible that your relationship won’t change despite revealing your feelings.
However, you also need to be realistic and consider whether you can continue to be friends with her without it causing emotional damage. You can find more on the topic of the friend zone in another article of mine.
6. Withdraw if necessary
If her response isn’t what you were hoping for and you find yourself struggling to be around her, it may be helpful to take a step back.
This doesn’t mean you have to give up on any friendship you may have, but it might be good to get some distance to sort out your feelings and move on.
By giving yourself some space, you give yourself the chance to emotionally regenerate and possibly find other ways to deal with your infatuation.
7. Focus on yourself
When you’re stuck in a love phase, you often forget to focus on other important aspects of your life. So don’t dwell on your heartbreak , but focus on moving on with your life.
Meet friends, pursue your hobbies, set new goals. The more you focus on other things, the better you’ll be able to process the situation emotionally.
If you are an introverted man and secretly in love
As an introverted man , it’s often difficult to express your feelings. You may feel insecure because you don’t know how to show your affection without feeling uncomfortable yourself. But don’t worry, even as an introvert, you can get things started:
1. Build trust
You don’t have to rush into it. Just start by spending time with her and building trust. The better you get to know her, the easier it will be for you to express your feelings.
Small gestures and honest conversations can help you feel more comfortable around them.
2. Send small signals
Introverted men tend to think more about their feelings before acting. Use this to your advantage. You don’t have to show your love with epic gestures—start with small signs.
Send her a nice message, smile when she looks at you, or offer to help her with something. This shows that you’re interested without having to be too outspoken.
3. Be honest with yourself
You don’t have to be the most extroverted man in the room to find love. It’s about being authentic and showing yourself as you are. If you’re shy, that’s perfectly fine.
There are many women who value exactly that – honesty and authenticity count more than loud words.
Secretly in love with your colleague? 3 tips
Okay, so you’re secretly in love with your colleague. This makes everything a bit more complicated, because you still have to remain professional. But don’t worry, there are ways to deal with it:
1. Observe their signs
The rules in the office are slightly different than in your personal life. Be careful how she behaves. If she acts particularly friendly toward you, perhaps runs into you “by chance” more often, or seeks out conversations with you, this could be a sign of something more.
But be careful: It could also just be collegiality. So be careful not to misinterpret anything.
2. Stay professional
Even if you’re secretly in love with your colleague, you should remain professional. This means you shouldn’t reveal your feelings right away, especially not in the office. Wait until you have a clear idea of whether she’s interested too and whether it even makes sense to pursue it further.
3. Take it slow
Dating coworkers can be tricky because it could affect work. If you think she’s interested, take things slowly.
Maybe you can do something outside of the work environment and see if the chemistry is right outside the office. Only when you’re sure it’s not just a crush should you take more serious steps.
Another article of mine, in which I talk about being in love with a colleague , can also give you further helpful tips.
Secretly in love despite being in a relationship – what to do?
Okay, here’s the tricky situation. You may be in a committed relationship, but you’re suddenly in love with another woman. I have a few tips for you:
1. Reflect on your feelings
First, you should figure out why you’ve secretly developed feelings for another woman. Are you no longer feeling happy or fulfilled in your current relationship? These feelings often arise when you’re missing emotional or physical needs in your current relationship that you feel are being met with the other woman.
2. Be honest with yourself and your partner
Even if it’s uncomfortable, you should be clear about your feelings and be honest with yourself and your partner. There’s no point in developing an emotional bond with another person and keeping it secret. Ask yourself: Do you really want to continue your current relationship?
If so, it’s time to work on your relationship and rekindle the flame between you. If not, you should talk openly with your partner about your feelings.
3. Take your time
Before making impulsive decisions, let things sink in. Feelings can be confusing, especially when you’re in a relationship. Take time to truly understand what you want before you completely disrupt your life.
If feelings for the other woman become stronger, it could be a sign that it’s time for change.
