As a single woman, you’re so fed up with online dating. That’s why you finally want to approach women in real life. After all, there are enough beauties out there you could meet in everyday situations, right?
In Hollywood movies, the search for true love always seems so simple: Both people randomly pick up the same cucumber in the supermarket, smile at each other shyly, and shortly thereafter exchange cell phone numbers…
And for you? Difficult. Approaching pretty women seems almost like an insurmountable obstacle:
- For one thing, you’re terrified of it. You’re afraid of bothering the woman with a “weird” attempt at flirting, of embarrassing yourself terribly, and of receiving a painful rejection.
- On the other hand, you don’t even know what to say to a stranger to get her talking. Nor are you able to make interesting small talk that would get her to give you her cell phone number.
It’s high time to tackle these fears and get rid of them when looking for a partner!
In this article, I will show you how to overcome your shyness and successfully approach women without appearing “weird”
Should you even approach women these days?
Whether it’s (social) media, friends, or feminists: Ever since the #MeToo debate, many people have been trying to tell you that it’s simply “not appropriate” to approach strangers. They claim it’s harassment – and most women supposedly don’t want to be contacted in everyday life either.
From my own years of experience, I can tell you that such claims are mostly nonsense.
As long as you do it politely, approaching someone is no problem for the vast majority of female singles out there. They even enjoy it 🙂
You’ll be surprised at how positively most girls react when approached by a nice man. I’ve rarely experienced any harsh rejections, even if the woman was already happily engaged.
Sure, there will be negative reactions sometimes (I have to be honest).
But a regretful smile with the answer “Sorry, I already have a boyfriend!” was often the “worst” thing I experienced in my attempts to flirt on the street.
So it’s not all that dramatic. This is what reality looks like…
3 reasons why women want to be approached
Based on my experience, I’d even go a step further. I claim that most single women dream of finally being approached by an attractive man in their everyday lives . As long as he’s nice, of course.
There are several reasons why so many women want to approach men these days:
- Just like us men, most girls are fed up with dating apps like Tinder. Instead of the annoying swiping and texting in the virtual world, they prefer meeting people in real life to find a relationship.
- When looking for a partner, it’s much more romantic to get to know each other in everyday situations than through online dating. A woman would rather tell her family the Hollywood-worthy story that you “just happened to” run into each other at the deli counter at Aldi, whereas she’s rather embarrassed about being on a dating app.
- Most guys of the “Tinder generation” are no longer even daring to approach a woman in real life. If you take this step, you’ll be refreshingly different from the cowardly crowd – and you’ll also appear very self-confident. Girls love that.
Conclusion: Don’t let anyone talk you into any nonsense and start flirting with pretty women on the street! It’s the most effective way to meet people and get a girlfriend .
Where can you approach women in everyday life?
Where not? In principle, you can approach women anywhere, as long as it’s not in a threatening situation (like a lonely side street in the city at night and in fog).
The 13 best places for a charming approach are:
- Clubs and discos (especially to find quick sex and one-night stands )
- Cafes and bars
- Shopping streets in the city
- Shops (bookstores, fashion boutiques, decoration and gift shops, IKEA, etc.)
- larger shopping centers (especially in bad weather)
- Supermarkets and drugstores
- the train station and bus and train journeys
- Parks in summer, swimming pools, lakes and the beach
- Libraries and the university campus
- the gym (inside or in front of the entrance as a non-member)
- City festivals such as fairs, Christmas markets or other events
- Concerts and festivals
- Your workplace (if you work in a large company and there are interesting colleagues in other departments)
Choose places where you feel comfortable! Check out my other article for more ideas on where to meet women .
Go to places where you meet the right type of woman!
My tip to increase your success:
Before you rush out blindly, consider what types of women exist and which ones are truly suited to you . Then, specifically seek out places to approach women where such female singles are more likely to be found.
- For example, if you are looking for an educated bookworm, you can go to museums, libraries and bookstores to flirt.
- If you want your future partner to be athletic, gyms are the best places to hit on her. If you keep your eyes open, you’ll quickly spot a so-called gym crush .
With this strategy, you increase the chance of meeting someone with similar interests and values.
This makes it much easier to find common topics of conversation and ultimately get a date (or rather, her cell phone number).
Afraid of approaching women? 3 tips that help!
Many male participants who come to me for coaching are still very afraid of women . As soon as they see an interesting girl on the street they want to approach, they get palpitations, break out in a sweat, and shaky knees.
But with the right tips, you can quickly overcome your shyness and actually approach women. This way, you’ll no longer constantly miss opportunities:
1. Develop the right mindset!
When it comes to so-called approach anxiety, we men aren’t actually afraid of approaching women; we’re just afraid of the rejection we might receive. Rejection by the opposite sex is our true fear.
However, be aware and hammer it into your skull:
A rejection during initial contact does NOT mean that the woman rejects you as a person—after all, she doesn’t even know you yet. Logical, right?
There can be many reasons for the rejection: Maybe she just has a negative first impression of you (due to prejudices?), is already in a committed relationship, is stressed or is having a bad day.
As you can see, her dismissive behavior doesn’t even have to have anything to do with you.
So never take rejection personally and don’t talk yourself down. See it objectively for what it is: a sign that things weren’t working out between you two right here and now!
2. Slowly expand your comfort zone!
If you’re new to the gym, you don’t immediately start lifting 200 kg weights, right? It’s the same with approaching women: You don’t have to start flirting with the hottest supermodel in town if that step is still too difficult for you.
Instead, I advise you to start with easy exercises and increase them slowly.
A good way to start might be to ask strangers (including men) on the street for directions, or to compliment a woman on her jacket in your first sentence. Most people will respond kindly.
Or you can engage a salesperson in conversation to practice social skills.
My tip for expanding your comfort zone: Create a list of specific tasks, ranging from easy to difficult, and work through them step by step. It’s like playing a computer game – from the easiest level to the “final boss” 🙂
This way you train your “social muscle” and toughen yourself up more and more, so that your fear of pretty ladies gradually diminishes.
3. Don’t give up and collect positive experiences!
Let’s say you approach the first woman you see in everyday life and immediately get rejected. Oops! If you immediately go home like a beaten dog, all you’ll remember is this negative experience.
This also reinforces fearful beliefs – for example, that women “don’t want to be approached” or that they are all just “mean, arrogant beasts”.
Things look different if you stay on the ball and approach several women:
Along with a few rejections, you’ll also experience positive (or at least neutral) reactions. This gives you the chance to experience success in flirting, which will motivate you and gradually reduce your anxiety.
At the end of the day you will go to bed grinning and thinking:
“Oh, crazy. I really didn’t think some girls would react so positively to me and even show interest. My fears and anxieties were completely exaggerated!”
How do I approach a woman? The 11-step plan
In my experience, most men need a solid structure—a precise plan for how to approach women they like. If you follow my following 10 tips, you’ll be significantly more successful than with the methods of any would-be flirting experts:
1. Make a good first impression!
Important: Before you’ve even finished the first sentence, a woman decides whether she wants to get to know you or not. As you probably know, we automatically judge other people based on first impressions. This applies to girls too 😉
Therefore, you should wear an attractive outfit and spruce up your hair (including your beard). Be spruced up and well-groomed when you leave your apartment!
Short fingernails and fresh breath are also beneficial. To avoid scaring the ladies away with your beer-and-garlic breath, it’s best to always have peppermints or chewing gum with you as a secret weapon.
2. Outsmart fear with the three-second rule!
As soon as you see an interesting lady, don’t hesitate. Try to approach her immediately without hesitation.
The psychological reason:
In the first three seconds, your brain doesn’t have time to come up with any stupid excuses about why you shouldn’t chat up the other person. Your annoying inner demons are still on break.
However, if you wait any longer, your mind will increasingly take over, blocking you mentally. Fear will rise up within you, and you’ll remain inactive like a rooted tree.
I also call this phenomenon “analytical paralysis.”
3. Put on a friendly smile!
Sure, you’re incredibly nervous about approaching attractive women. Despite your emotional chaos, you should make sure your greeting doesn’t come across as dark and threatening, like the most dangerous gang boss in town.
Instead, always approach the woman with a friendly smile. Your other body language should also be open, confident, and positive.
4. First sentence: Just say hello, without any silly remarks!
Men often think they have to start off by saying something totally creative and throwing out some witty flirting line. What women value most when approaching someone on the street , however, is courage, honesty, and a straightforward demeanor.
Therefore, you should simply give a sincere compliment that is currently on your mind and state the real reason for contacting them.
In most cases, a banal saying like this is enough as a first sentence:
“Hey, I know we don’t know each other and this might sound a little crazy. But I just noticed you with your friendly smile. So I had to come over and say hi. By the way, I’m Jochen, and you?”
Easy, right?
5. Name the elephant in the room: your fear!
Are you worried that you’ll come across as awkward to the woman at this moment, because you might appear a bit clumsy due to nervousness? Because you might stutter and say “stupid things”?
In that case, I advise you to simply admit your fear openly:
“Sorry, I’m a little nervous right now. I don’t usually approach women…”
Addressing such a topic openly will bring relief. You’ll find that most women will smile and show understanding instead of thinking you’re a weird freak. A man who can openly communicate his weaknesses shows a lot of courage—which, in turn, is a strength that makes you attractive when looking for a partner.
6. Lead into a cool conversation!
To avoid awkward silences after the greeting, you should transition directly into some engaging small talk. Fortunately, you don’t have to be particularly creative here; you can rely on a few tried-and-tested standard phrases:
- “Where are you going right now?” (in the city, on a train journey, etc.)
- “What do you do in your free time when you’re not flirting with strange men?”
- “You have an interesting style of clothing… Are you studying fashion design?”
- “Cool tattoo. Aren’t you worried that you might not like the design anymore in a few years?”
- “Let me guess: You’re probably a civil servant. You seem so serious. Almost TOO serious for me.”
- “What are you reading? / What kind of music are you listening to?”
In some places, your surroundings are already the perfect conversation starter. In a library, you can talk about books you both enjoy. The supermarket offers the opportunity to transition from groceries to cooking, etc.
7. Be humorous to arouse sympathy!
No single man wants to meet a man with a stick up his ass, who’s only serious in conversation and seems to be going crazy for a laugh. That’s why you should always add a touch of humor to your conversation and make the woman laugh .
Especially at the beginning, a joke is very helpful to break the proverbial ice when approaching women and to loosen the tense atmosphere.
For example, you can say with a self-deprecating grin:
“We’ve been talking for three minutes now, and you haven’t run away screaming yet. That’s a good sign.”
You should also tease the lady playfully , without being offensive, of course.
One way to make fun of them with a bit of humor would be the sentence:
“To be honest, I was a little scared of you at first because you looked so grim. But now I like you a bit more!”
In another article you will learn more tips from me on how to flirt properly in order to impress your chosen one.
8. Ask her questions and share information about yourself!
The goal of your first conversation is to get to know each other a little so you can decide whether you want to continue the whole thing on a date.
That’s why you should ask personal questions—for example, about her hobbies, travels, and other leisure activities. Don’t bombard your partner with one question after another, but also tell them things about yourself while answering. This will give her an idea of what kind of man you are.
Of course, too deep and negative topics like politics, illnesses or ex-partners do not belong in a flirtation and should be left out for now.
9. Watch out for possible flirting signals from her!
Despite your nervousness, try to pay attention to certain flirting signals from the beginning that the woman will hopefully send you when you approach her. These include not only words, but especially her body language.
There are various signs in your communication that tell you that she likes you and is interested in you .
The most important signals are:
- She crosses her legs while standing (meaning: “I don’t want to run away from you!”).
- She smiles a lot and seeks intense eye contact with you.
- She tilts her head and nervously runs her fingers through her hair.
- She touches your arm lightly during the conversation.
- She laughs at your jokes, even if they are hardly funny.
- She opens up and answers your questions in more detail.
- She starts asking you curious questions about yourself.
- She flirts back by teasing you playfully.
- She subjects you to a so-called shit test , for example by asking critical questions or a non-serious rejection (to test your mental strength as a man).
- She sits or stands closer to you than is usual among strangers.
If she’s giving you some of these signals, you’re on the right track. This means you can keep flirting with her because she probably wants to get to know you better.
10. Invite the woman on a spontaneous date!
Of course, you don’t just want to approach women, you also want to date them. If the chemistry between you is right and the lady has some time, you can invite her on an immediate date.
In the city or in the park, after a quarter of an hour, for example, you say:
“Hey, let’s get a coffee to go over there and sit on the bench. It’ll be a bit more comfortable there for a chat!”
If she doesn’t have time for a longer get-together at such short notice, that’s not a problem either. Then you should get her cell phone number and arrange a romantic date in the next few days via WhatsApp .
11. Say goodbye with a hug!
After you’ve saved her phone number (and she’s saved yours), you can’t say goodbye with an uptight “Uh… okay… bye” or “See you later.”
Even in this final moment, you must remain poised and confident, as the last impression also counts. My tip: Give the woman a quick hug goodbye! If this intense physical contact is too soon for her, a handshake is also sufficient.
Through touch, you can trigger another positive feeling in the other person, so that they look forward to seeing you again even more.
Approaching Women – What to Say? Top 10 Examples
As already mentioned, in most cases, a simple greeting with a compliment is enough to approach a woman. However, when flirting in some places, it can seem more authentic and natural to refer to the specific situation in the first sentence.
Here are a few examples of really good conversation starters in everyday life:
- While sightseeing in the city: Ask her to take a photo of you and your friend.
- When traveling by train: “Can you tell me at which station I have to get off if I want to go to place XY?”
- At the club: “Hey girls! My friend and I were just discussing whether the seven dwarfs from the fairy tale are gay or had sex with Snow White. What do you think?”
- While shopping at the supermarket, ask her where the cornflakes are or if she can recommend a wine. Or talk to her about unusual foods in her shopping cart and ask what she’s going to cook with them.
- In the library: “Hey, that book looks really exciting. Are you also interested in the topic XY? What fascinates you about it?”
- At the gym: “Can you briefly show me how to do this exercise/how this machine works? I’m new here…”
- If you’re holding a beer on the go in the summer: “Hi, one question: Do you happen to have a bottle opener with you? I forgot mine.” (for example, in the park or by the lake)
- In the fashion store: “Hi, I need a female opinion. Which of these two shirts suits me better—this one or this one?”
- At the swimming pool, lake, or beach: “Can you look after my things for a moment while I go for a swim?” Then: “Did you keep a good eye on my stuff? Let’s see if anything got lost…” (in a humorous, teasing tone)
- At a party: Toast the woman with your glass and then jokingly say, “That drink looks interesting, what are you drinking? Hmmmm, it’s probably a typical girl’s drink…”
Approaching women correctly: the 3 biggest mistakes
Based on my experience, I know the mistakes most men make when trying to approach a stranger. If you avoid these traps, you’ll already be a big step further in your search for true love or sex:
1. Forget the romantic “eye contact myth”!
Many bad online guides recommend making eye contact with a woman before approaching her. But this tip is completely rubbish!
Of course, it is helpful for shy singles to receive inviting glances.
BUT: In everyday situations, many women are so distracted by their surroundings or preoccupied with themselves that they unfortunately don’t even notice you. If you just stare at someone, you’ll usually be overlooked, which means you miss out on numerous flirting opportunities…
So don’t wait forever for inviting flirting signals; approach attractive women immediately! Even if they don’t make eye contact with a smile beforehand.
Based on her subsequent reaction, you will know whether the señorita is interested and wants to get to know you or not.
2. Avoid embarrassing pick-up lines!
Avoid typical flirty lines like, “Hey, I’m a mover by trade, can I help you move?” Such phrases come across as memorized, inauthentic, and sexually suggestive. This can actually be perceived as harassment by the other person.
And no, even when approaching women in a club, these sayings aren’t funny, they’re mostly just embarrassing (unless you deliver them with a lot of self-irony).
3. Don’t ask for a date or cell phone number right away!
Many men want to take the simple shortcut when flirting: Instead of having a conversation with the woman first, they ask in the first sentence whether the woman would like to have a coffee with them or exchange phone numbers.
This could very well take your counterpart by surprise. Remember: She doesn’t even know you yet. Why would she accept this offer?
The most important rule of thumb here is:
Talk to her for at least ten minutes and tell her personal details about yourself so she can get a rough idea of who you are. If there’s enough sympathy and trust, you can always ask for a date or her number.
Approaching women made easy: 5 extra tips for shy people
Despite all the advice and information, are you still finding it difficult to approach strangers? Are you a very shy man and having no success in your search for a partner ? Then I have a few special tips for you that will make making contact in everyday life particularly easy:
1. Go to places where women have plenty of time!
A common problem: On the streets, in city centers, and at train stations, people often rush from point A to point B because they have urgent things to do or appointments to attend to. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult to strike up a conversation.
Therefore, look for places where people really have time (and sometimes boredom):
- Parks
- Swimming pools
- Cafes
- long train journeys
- and so forth
You will notice that the singles here are much more relaxed, in a better mood and more open to flirting.
This makes it much easier for you to approach women in these situations and build a longer conversation with your counterpart.
2. Start the conversation indirectly!
In everyday life, it takes a lot of courage to compliment an interesting lady and tell her directly that you’d like to get to know her. Instead of an offensive flirtation, however, you also have the option of approaching her subtly.
This works if you say in the first sentence, for example…
- …ask for directions (in town, in the park, etc.).
- …ask for a lighter (in the smoking area of the disco).
- …inquire about a good cocktail bar in the city (explain that you are new in town).
With a little practice, you can build small talk that can also develop into flirting. You can find more examples of how to start a conversation indirectly above.
3. Wait for a favorable situation!
You don’t have to approach a woman when she’s on a crowded subway or in a bookstore where everyone can overhear your conversation. Being flirted with in front of an audience is probably pretty embarrassing for her.
Likewise, you shouldn’t approach her when she’s unlocking her bike or standing at the ATM…
What I mean by that is: Men often get rejected simply because they approach women in completely inappropriate situations, in which the women concerned feel uncomfortable and harassed.
Just wait until the woman gets off the train or leaves the bookstore. This will make contact much easier and more relaxed—for both of you!
4. Prepare some good sayings beforehand!
Of course, when flirting it always seems more authentic to react spontaneously and to use the right sentences based on the situation.
If you’re a newbie and want to approach women, you’ll be very nervous at first, so you’ll lack any creativity or quick wit. This is that awkward “I don’t know what to say” moment where you stammer a few wooden sentences at most.
To prevent this from happening so quickly, there is no shame in preparing for difficult situations.
At home, think about what you want to say to the girls at certain moments and craft a few really good phrases. These can be conversation starters as icebreakers, but also interesting topics of conversation and getting-to-know-you questions for the rest of your conversation.
5. Take your friends along to flirt!
Of course, you can also go out partying alone or take a solo trip to the mall. But as a man, you don’t have to face the fear of approaching people alone! Being with your friends will automatically make you more relaxed, confident, and at ease when looking for a partner.
So take at least one “wingman” with you to approach strangers (or groups of women) – whether in a club, in the city or on a walk in the park.
While you talk to your chosen one, your friends will keep their companions busy. An added bonus: After a rejection, your friends can cheer you up by laughing about the experience together.
But maybe, as a team, you can finally find the right partner for a relationship. If you need more help, feel free to watch my video below:
