Your first meeting with the woman is coming up, and you’re already feeling pretty nervous. One question in particular is on your mind as you prepare: Should you have sex on the first date, yes or no? Would that be a mistake? And if so, after how many dates is it okay to jump into bed together?
Your doubts are justified, because there are many different opinions on this topic in our society – and also a few misconceptions:
- Your friends might tell you while happily drinking beer that you should get down to business and get the girl into bed as quickly as possible before you end up in the friend zone.
- Other people, however, say that sex on the first date is somehow abnormal and “indecent.” They say it’s way too early to sleep with someone. Plus, the woman might feel overwhelmed and think you’re just looking for a one-night stand instead of a serious relationship.
- And Hollywood movies convey the message that you should wait at least until the third date before you make the mattress shake with each other.
Sex on the first date – yes or no?
Imagine it’s your first meeting. You’re sitting at a bar, laughing together, completely on the same wavelength. The air is electric, a magical attraction develops.
You would love to pounce on each other, kiss each other and even go a step further.
That means ripping each other’s clothes off… 😉
But despite the unbridled desire, reason immediately kicks in. Doubts arise: How far should you go tonight? Isn’t it far too early for lovemaking?
Let’s be clear right away: There’s no hard and fast rule about how many dates you should or “can” have sex on. It depends on many factors—for example, how open the woman is to it, how comfortable you feel with each other during the meeting, and whether the mood is right for becoming intimate.
The specific situation and circumstances are therefore crucial.
However, you should be aware that there can be some advantages and disadvantages to jumping into bed with a lady so early when looking for a partner:
9 Benefits of Sex on the First Date:
- You’ll notice right away whether you’re fundamentally compatible in bed (although for most couples, the first time isn’t that exciting anyway if they haven’t yet gotten into the groove with each other).
- By making an early sexual approach, you avoid the risk of ending up in the friend zone . This often happens to insecure men because they don’t dare to touch or kiss the woman on the date.
- During the seduction process, your female counterpart senses that you are a confident single man who isn’t afraid of physical contact. This comes across as very attractive.
- Sex on a first date is an exciting, highly emotional experience for both singles. It’s somehow cooler than just sitting together in a café and asking each other boring small talk questions like in a job interview.
- Even if you end up in bed so early, a relationship can still develop if you send the right signals to the woman (by that I mean, for example, contacting her the next day and suggesting another meeting).
- Some women even expect to have sex on the first date if they’re looking for a one-night stand. If you don’t make that move, they might be disappointed and eventually drop you. You’ll have missed a huge opportunity.
- The act of love can create emotional closeness and accelerate the process of getting to know each other.
- If you’ve just gone through a breakup, sleeping with a new partner often provides distraction and comfort from the heartbreak. Similar to a rebound relationship , it’s a great way to forget about your ex .
- If you have given her a good orgasm, the chances increase that she will want to see you again because it literally calls for a repeat 🙂
9 Disadvantages of Sex on the First Date:
- Shy women, in particular, need a lot of trust before they can open up sexually. Physical contact on the first date is usually far too early for them and puts them off.
- Regardless of their openness, some single women have made it a rule for themselves not to have sex on the first date. They would also feel pressured if you tried to get them into bed quickly.
- If you end up in bed right away, some women will get the impression that you’re only looking for a one-night stand or a friends with benefits relationship rather than a relationship. Fearing falling in love and being dumped, they often end the getting-to-know-you phase.
- Some women also regret having sex with the man so early the next morning and feel “used” or like a “slut.” They then definitely associate these negative emotions with you.
- Sex on the first date is often not as good as Hollywood movies portray, because during this phase, the relationship lacks a deeper level of trust. If these high expectations aren’t met, it can lead to disappointment and frustration.
- Not only the woman, but you too might feel uncomfortable if things get serious right away. Perhaps you’re a sensitive man who needs a lot of trust to become intimate with a stranger. That’s perfectly fine and not “unmanly.”
- Sex can cause your hormones to go haywire and cloud your thinking. In extreme cases, one of you might imagine you’re (unhappily?) in love and then harass the other with 20 WhatsApp messages a day and wild declarations of love. This needy behavior is usually off-putting and complicates things.
- If you end up in bed right away while dating, the thrill of anticipation is sometimes ruined – like opening a Christmas present a few days early. It can be more exciting to delay the big moment of intimacy for longer.
- Despite all precautions, there is always a certain residual risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. Therefore, condom contraception is absolutely essential
On what date should one have sex?
Many single men ask themselves: When is the right time for first sex? On which date is it “allowed” to become intimate and do bunga bunga?
As mentioned, there are no hard and fast rules for this. It just matters that both singles are interested and comfortable with it.
Some girls are ready for intercourse on the first or second date , others want to wait and take that step on the third date . And still others need even longer to open up sexually.
However, women in this country are not as prudish as some might think:
According to one statistic, approximately one-third of women are open to sex on the first date, while another third of survey participants categorically rule it out. Other statistics from recent years have reached similar conclusions.
However, you shouldn’t rely solely on surveys; instead, you should look at the specifics of your partner’s sexuality. So, here’s my tip:
Be guided by the woman’s personality!
When looking for a partner, carefully consider the type of woman you’re looking for and try to assess whether her attitude might be fundamentally open to sex on the first date. The following questions will help you:
- Is her thinking rebellious, free, and unconventional? Or is she more conservative and adheres to (outdated) social norms?
- What culture does she come from? People from modern Western cultures are generally more open to quick sex than people from traditional societies (Asia, Eastern Europe, the Middle East, etc.).
- Does she seem shy and reserved or open and confident?
- Did she talk openly about sexual topics with you when you first met, or did she make a few naughty comments or jokes? Have you perhaps even been at the precursor to sexting in WhatsApp chats ? Or does she seem rather reserved when it comes to hot topics, hastily steering such conversations in a more innocuous direction?
- Do you know if she has had one-night stands (or at least do you think she’s the type)?
- Regarding non-sexual matters: Is her personality generally relaxed, spontaneous, and adventurous? Is she a pleasure-seeker? This could be a sign that she’s not shy about bedtime stories either 🙂
- Does she dress femininely, figure-hugging, and/or revealingly because she accepts and loves her body? Or is she more of a shy “turtleneck type,” buttoned up both inside and out?
Sure, a single sign doesn’t tell you much. But the more positive “sex signals” you notice when dating a single woman, the higher the likelihood that she’ll be ready to sleep with a man on the first date.
Recognize when she’s ready by her flirting signals!
Are you unsure whether the new woman is really interested in sex on the first date? And you want to get some clarity first so you don’t come across as pushy or overwhelm her during your meeting? That’s exemplary!
My tip: In addition to her basic character traits and values, you should also pay attention to the woman’s specific flirting signals on your date .
The following signs indicate that she is ready to go to bed with you quickly:
- She has dressed up especially for you and dressed erotically (for example, with a skin-tight dress, miniskirt, low-cut neckline, etc.).
- During or at the end of your first date, she suggests having a drink at your or her house and “watching a movie” (cough, clear throat).
- She smiles at you often and seeks long, intense eye contact.
- She seems happy or even silly and constantly laughs at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny at all.
- During the course of the date, she seeks physical closeness by touching you a lot (putting her hand on your knee, touching your shoulder/upper arm, holding hands, etc.).
- She already cuddles with you and likes to be kissed.
- She cracks dirty jokes and touches on sexual topics. This includes being open about her relationship and sex life.
- Conversely, she will also ask you curious questions about your sexual experiences.
- She tries to get you drunk so that you’ll loosen up and dare to be more offensive when approaching her.
- At home, she consciously creates a crackling atmosphere with candles, dim lighting, soft cozy music, a wool blanket on the couch, etc.
- Overall, she flirts with you very aggressively, almost in a dominant way.
- She gives you erotically charged compliments about your body (for example: “You have really big and strong hands, I like that in men…” ).
- She responds very positively to your touches, compliments, sexual innuendo, and other obvious flirting attempts.
Again, the more of these signs you notice, the higher the likelihood that your partner is ready for sex on the first date. In another advice article, I’ll tell you more signs that she’s into you .
Sex on a date? Always pay attention to the woman’s reactions!
If you notice many of the signs listed above during your date, you can take things further (assuming you also want to sleep with her on the first date). You’ll find tips on how to do this further down in this blog post.
However, if the woman reacts negatively and dismissively to your advances, you should definitely slow down and give her more time. Don’t pressure her! Perhaps the pace you set during the seduction was simply too fast for her.
It could be that she simply doesn’t want sex on the first date because it’s too soon for her. In that case, respect her decision as a true gentleman and don’t put unnecessary pressure on her during the getting-to-know-you phase!
It’s perfectly fine to wait until the second or third date to sleep together. As a single person, you need to be patient and not rush into anything.
Sex on the first date = no relationship?
This is also a myth that haunts our society: If you jump straight into bed with someone, you can’t have anything serious in mind. And conversely: If you want a committed relationship, you wait until at least the third date to have sex.
Such general statements about women and men are completely wrong! This way of thinking probably stems from a time when people waited until marriage to get involved with kink.
Sure, it’s possible that the other person is just looking for a one-night stand, a fling, or friends with benefits. But just because you have sex on the first date doesn’t mean that real love can’t develop from it.
There are certainly people who, despite quick sex, are open to entering into a committed relationship as they get to know each other. Why not? This attitude isn’t a contradiction…
The reasons for this openness can be varied, such as:
- The other person is very sexually open-minded and wants to have fun in bed, but at the same time is not averse to a relationship.
- When you start dating, she wants to find out how things work between you in bed before she commits to a real relationship.
- The fact that you ended up in bed together may have just happened spontaneously during your first date. This doesn’t have to be a barrier to true love. On the contrary: It can actually strengthen your bond and fuel your emotions.
- Even if someone was just looking for a one-night stand at first, sometimes as you get to know each other better, you suddenly realize you can imagine something more. Especially if the woman falls in love with you .
So you have to look at how the person ticks in each individual case, instead of clinging to general sayings, rules and beliefs.
After sex: Your signals show whether she wants something serious!
Always observe how your lover behaves after you’ve had sex on the first date! Positive signals of relationship intent can include:
- She contacts you the next day and writes to you on WhatsApp with great interest in the following time.
- She suggests another meeting – including activities outside the apartment that have nothing to do with “mattress gymnastics” ( cinema , going out to eat, etc.).
- She makes hidden hints and compliments that point more towards a relationship (for example, that you have a great character and are more to her than just a lover).
- She asks suspicious questions like, “What’s going on between us?” This might mean that a casual fling isn’t enough for her—so she expects you to respond by saying you want more, too. A question like this often signals that someone has a fear of loss.
- She intensifies your (initially superficial) acquaintance through personal deep talk topics . For example, she asks questions about your family, your past, your future plans, political views, religion, and the like. She may also be trying to find out whether you have enough in common beyond sex for a serious relationship.
- She wants to introduce you to her friends or family.
If you notice such signs, you need to handle the woman very carefully so as not to hurt her feelings. If you can’t imagine a committed relationship, you should tell her openly after the first date so she doesn’t get her hopes up.
Sex on the first date: 8 tips on how to make it happen as a man
So sex on the first date doesn’t have to be a mistake, as long as both singles want it and agree on where their journey will take them (that is, whether they want to have an affair, a F+ or a committed relationship, or whether they want to leave it as a one-time adventure).
But how do you manage to seduce attractive women into sex and end up in bed with them right away? In other advice articles, I’ve already explained how you can find a one-night stand or initiate a friends with benefits relationship .
Here’s a brief summary of the 8 most important tips for men. Keep this in mind:
1. Look for partners in good places!
If you’re active in online dating, create a really attractive Tinder or Bumble profile that exudes masculinity. This will subtly signal to other users that you ‘re looking for sex dates on apps like Tinder .
Parties, concerts, and festivals are also great places to find the right partner for an adventure. Discover more places to meet people here !
2. Don’t communicate your intentions too openly!
Avoid talking openly about wanting sex on the first date right from the start. While this would be honest, it can come across as low-brow and scare off your female partner.
It’s better to steer the conversation toward sexual topics very carefully (!) and discreetly. If you’re engaged in a humorous, flirty conversation, you could say or write something like this:
“Oh, by the way: Did you know that according to statistics, Japanese people have the least sex in the world? I wonder why that is…”
This way, you can test how open the single woman is in this area and, if necessary, bring a crackling, frivolous flirtatious atmosphere into your conversation.
3. Prepare your apartment for the meeting!
The goal is for both of you to feel comfortable and be able to get closer in a relaxed manner until sex on the first date. To achieve this, you should make a few preparations within your own four walls:
- tidying up, cleaning, airing, taking out the trash, etc.
- Buy wine, snacks and, if necessary, ingredients for cooking
- Keep a pack of condoms in your bedside table drawer
- Get candles, tea lights and/or a small floor lamp for subdued lighting
- Create playlists with music and movies (depending on the type of woman, I recommend comedies or horror films to evoke strong emotions in her)
- Put a wool blanket on the couch so you can cuddle together under the blanket later
Use all of these things to create a sizzling, romantic, feel-good atmosphere in your “love cave”!
4. Arrange a date on neutral ground!
Under no circumstances should you invite the single woman to your home right away (unless she suggests it). Since she doesn’t know you well enough yet, it’s far too early for that step.
Instead, arrange a date on neutral ground first, such as a café or a walk in the park. This way, you can get to know each other calmly without seeming like you’re desperate to get this person into bed.
During your conversation, you should ask interesting questions and, when answering, also tell her personal things about yourself so that she develops enough trust in you.
5. Suggest going to your place afterward!
If the chemistry between you is right, you can still invite the woman to your apartment after one or two hours so that there is a chance of sex on the first date.
But never say openly that you want to sleep with her, so as not to scare her away! Instead, make a non-threatening suggestion that doesn’t put pressure on her:
“Hey, let’s cook something at my house, drink some wine, and watch that movie we were talking about earlier! But only if you don’t eat all my sweets :-)”
And sure, suggesting something like that takes some courage. Still, you should go for it. Especially since many women will say “yes” to your invitation if you’re compatible and they’ve got enough time.
Don’t make the mistake of only going for walks or going to random bars over several dates if you want to get closer to her quickly!
6. Have a fun evening on the couch!
Of course, you shouldn’t immediately start talking to your potential partner as soon as you step through the door. As a date idea for at home, we recommend the classic singles approach: first cook something together (if you haven’t already eaten out) and then watch a movie.
This is where you can start flirting with the lady , if you haven’t already. Give her charming compliments and playfully tease her by grinning and saying a few cheeky things, like:
- “I was really hoping you could cook well. Otherwise, that would have been grounds for divorce for me. First plus point for you.”
- “Whaaat? You’d hide from the serial killer instead of fighting? I would have expected some courage from you, Madame!” (when you’re watching a horror movie)
Be humorous and don’t take everything so seriously! Basically, it’s important not to be too matter-of-fact in your communication, but rather to make the other person laugh .
7. Ensure a relaxed approach!
Okay, the movie’s playing. You’re having fun and laughing together. And then what?
At some point during the evening, you need to get physically closer to the lady through touching and kissing so that you have a smooth transition to sex on the first date.
Many single men are afraid of this step for fear of rejection. But if the woman went home with you so early, chances are she wants more than just a pleasant chat with you that evening.
My tip: Sit close together on the couch and lounge under the blanket to start cuddling.
For example, you could grab the lady’s hand and see how she reacts to this approach. To avoid surprises, you could also explain your move by saying:
“Hey, you have interestingly painted nails / a nice ring etc. Show me…”
If your partner doesn’t pull their hand away, that’s a good sign. This way, you can hold hands for a while and often automatically get closer to the first kiss , if there’s a spark of flirtation between you at that moment.
Once you start kissing wildly, it won’t be far to the bedroom in the end… 😉
8. Pay attention to their reactions and respect their boundaries!
As mentioned, everyone has their own pace when it comes to sexual encounters on dates. Therefore, you should never pressure the señorita during your meeting, but rather adapt to her individual needs.
During each of the steps above, you should carefully observe their reactions.
If you notice that she is uncomfortable with something you are doing, you need to take your foot off the accelerator and take things a little slower.
For example, if she avoids your touch or your attempt to kiss her, accept this and try again half an hour later.
But if she still blocks you on the second attempt, that’s a strong sign that she probably doesn’t want sex on the first date. That’s okay, and you should respect that. Stay patient—maybe you’ll sleep with her on one of the subsequent dates!
Case 1: You don’t want to see her again
If you’re no longer interested in seeing her again after sex on the first date, you need to tell the woman that openly and honestly. This way, you won’t raise false hopes in her if she wants to continue or even feels infatuated.
Case 2: You hope for a serious relationship
If you want to turn your sexual adventure into a committed relationship, you should send clear relationship signals to avoid any misunderstandings and fear of loss in your partner. This means:
- Contact her the next day and text her regularly via WhatsApp.
- Compliment her by saying that you find her interesting as a person and that she could be more to you than just a bed bunny.
- Suggest meeting again—preferably with a romantic activity that doesn’t involve sleeping together.
- Bring up personal topics of conversation to get to know each other, to avoid the impression that you want to keep contact at a superficial level.
In short: Do everything so that the single woman doesn’t end up thinking: ” He just wants sex with me .” It is important to avoid typical player and macho behavior when looking for a partner.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t surprise her with a declaration of love, even if you ‘re in love after the first date .
Case 3: You want to casually date her
Or are you looking for a more casual relationship like an affair or friends with benefits? Then I recommend taking the middle path after sex on the first date:
Contact your lover, flirt playfully, engage in sexting via WhatsApp, and ask for another date. But at the same time, avoid giving any signals that suggest your meeting is leading to a serious relationship.
This means that you limit your activities mainly to the bed.
There are no romantic activities like candlelit dinners at Italian restaurants or going to the movies. You don’t give her gifts when you meet. Nor do you get to know each other’s friends or family.
And of course, you don’t lie to the lady about her being a potential relationship partner just to keep her interested!
In general, the aim is to avoid an unpleasant situation .
Try to find out what the woman wants!
It’s equally important to know what your partner’s expectations are for dating—and whether your goals as singles align. So, after sex on the first date, it’s essential to pay attention to her signals (see above!):
- How does she behave? Does she contact you with regular, detailed messages, or does she suddenly become dismissive and lazy on WhatsApp ?
- Does she ask you personal, in-depth questions and wants to see you again?
- Does she compliment your character and indirectly say that you would be her dream man? Or does she just praise your outstanding skills in bed?
All of these behaviors and expressions can reveal the other person’s intentions. You may also notice whether they are developing a deeper sense of love for you.
However, if you’re unsure about her desires, you should avoid an open conversation. Please DO NOT ask questions like, “What’s going on between us?” or “Can you imagine anything more? “
These questions convey insecurity, neediness, and fear of loss, which doesn’t exactly come across as attractive to a man. At the same time, you’d be forcing the woman to give unpleasant answers.
Instead, I advise you to approach the matter calmly and simply see what develops between you in the near future. This attitude conveys a steely masculine self-confidence. This is very attractive to women – and can lead to more great sex dates!
